Tears!

It's one month and two days you had leave me!

Mommy, I still will remember the time when you leave me.

You know what mom, yesterday auntie asked about you again in front of me and I can't control my tears anymore. Tears were queueing two lines on my cheek. I think no matter how long, whenever have people asking about you, I'll still will cry. I feel want to cry like no one care, no one know. Every single moment I had been with you still being so real in my mind. I feel want to hug you, talk with you, complain to you about my uni's life and every single thingy happened around me to you.

I need to pretend like I'm ok in front people. I don't like all these! When I think of you, I need to control my tears hardly not to let them fall down when in front of people. It's a tough job for me but honestly speaking, I think I had done a good job after all. I just failed twice being so weak!

I know everything and everyone still need to move on and so do I. I'm trying to do so. But when I saw some people have mommy to take care and love them, I felt jealousy and upset. I know I was very lucky already because at least I had mommy by my side for over 22years. While some other people don't even meet their mommy once they were born or when they were still babies. I know I am lucky! But I am greedy indeed. What I want is my lovely parents and siblings can be with me forever! Sometimes I rather think I want to be the first to die because like this I will not have any sad feelings. I know got such thoughts is very selfish and crazy but I am just a coward!